Dear iRobot Roomba

I’d like to put my name forward as a tester for any of your vacuum cleaning robots. I’m in awe of your adaptive technology, clever design, innovation in the field, and the fact that you’re creating purposeful, hard working and tidy robots. Nothing like that perennial show off, ASIMO.

Fancy Pants ASIMO
Fancy Pants ASIMO

I think you’ll find my qualifications unique for this role. In fact, if had to provide a resume, I have no doubts you’d be impressed. I’m bring a lot of Robot street cred. And my home is the perfect testing ground. It’s like being in the trenches.

In regards to my Robot credibility. I can recite Isaac Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics. I have an extensive Robot collection, you can view HERE. And I’m CEO of a clothing company called RobotoWear: Clothing for humans, inspired by robots. I also used to teach kids how to build LEGO Mindstorms robots. You get the idea.

As for being in the trenches. I live in a hundred year old condominium with my wife, 2.25 year old son (I hate saying ages in months) and a 11-year old deaf cat named Ludwig.

Ludwig would treat the Roomba like his brother
Ludwig would treat the Roomba like his brother

It can be chaos. My cat has a tendency to knock things off counters, drag things into rooms, puke in the most inconvenient spots, shed everywhere, and when we do vacuum, he loves to ride the Dyson. Did it really take Dyson 10+ years to develop that vacuum cleaner? I digress. My cat would love to befriend a Roomba.

As for the humans. We do our best to keep the place clean. But 2.25 year old Oliver isn’t drinking our corporate family kool aid. He likes to hide toast. After a few days, it actually resembles a ceramic tile that flakes rock solid crumbs. His obsession for Gold Fish leaves an orange glow around the house with fragments of fish everywhere. It’s like Old Man and the Sea meets The Cove.

A messy Father and Son
A messy Father and Son

Our old home features great hard wood floors, area rugs and plenty of obstacles – Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head parts, the occasional hair ball, or an old piece of waffle Oliver has strategically placed in a location we’ll never find. If the Roomba was being sent to the real trenches, it would experience boot camp at our house first.

The fact is we need a Roomba. And with my hand on my heart, I swear that we’ll use it. That poor robot has it’s work cut out for her/him.

In return, you’ll get full documentation – photos, videos, blog posts and positive publicity, as we welcome the newest (and favorite) member of our family.

I look forward to your response.

Sincerely, Daniel (and Ludwig)

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