A rough or fragmented geometric shape that can be split into parts, each of which is (at least approximately) a reduced-size copy of the whole. – Benoit Mandelbrot

I visit my Father’s tree at least once a week. As I stop to grab my breath and save my lungs (I usually run there), I’m always struck by its perfect symmetry. It’s shape is actually etched in my mind. Sometimes I think it’s a tree made up of identical leaves. Fractals.

Dad's tree - waiting for the leaves!

Nature presents some incredible patterns.

It’s pretty amazing when you think about it.

Fractal from Nature by Flickr user jacl_o_lantern

Fractals 3 - Symmetry by Flickr user marosh

No title by Flickr user aseloph

If you look closely around you, you’ll notice fractals or repeating patterns in trees, plants, clouds, lightning, waves, snow flakes, and more. They even find themselves represented in art – from Jackson Pollack to mandelas to modern day artists.

Fractal ART - monad AIWASS - モナド

You can even create your own fractal, based on the Mandelbrot set (from the guy who’s quote I used at the beginning). It’s based on mathematics, sequences, infinity and lot of other stuff I don’t understand. No doubt, Benoit Mandelbrot would have been really good on The Price is Right.

There are also fractal generators online. And thanks to PBS and NOVA, you can create your own Mandelbrot Fractal. Here’s mine.

My Mandelbrot Fractal

I don’t pretend to understand the science and mathematics behind fractals. I mean, what does this really mean? zn+1 = zn2 + c = NO IDEA.

But I am observant and I notice patterns. You strip away the science, the math, and the patterns and it comes down to something completely unscientific – beauty and sum of all parts.

Now is the perfect time to find your fractals. Snowflakes come and go, and Spring is hitting the snooze button. Leaves will be here to mesmerize you before you know it. Or if you’re the impatient type, look up at some clouds.

I always do.

T.P.S. Report by Flickr user Philhouse

Have you filled out your T.P.S Report? Let’s get on with it.

I’ve been reading ya’ll.

The Lotus Magazine is beautiful in every possible way. It’s also surprising. It does a superb job of representing the Lotus brand without over selling. They manage to blend history with contemporary culture in way that makes perfect sense. The latest issue features Mario Andretti, Swiss Beatz, Lindsay Lohan and Steve McQueen. Not to mention the gorgeous Lotus Cars. Definitely check it out.

Lotus Magazine

I’m also reading the Kurt Vonnegut Biography, And So It Goes, by Charles J. Shields. It’s incredibly well written and obviously well researched. But, I will say, it’s kind of like discovering your idol is just as damaged as you are. News flash: Kurt Vonnegut was a human being.

And music.

Oliver and I are really into Lupe Fiasco’s Laser’s at the moment. It’s addictive!

Also, still into George Gershwin. His collection An American in Paris is not only the perfect name, but features an offering of his best work.

And watching. A lot – TV and movies.

Band of Brothers, The Pacific, Modern Family, Californication, The Cove, Kung Fu Hustle, The Natural and Super 8 – which I thought was brilliant and sentimental and endearing. Watch it! I’m looking forward to more laughs, escapism, and thought provoking films and shows in the coming months. After all, there are new seasons of Archer and An Idiot Abroad debuting soon…

Archer Season 3

So while I wait for my web nuggets to be mined?, I’m staying busy with lots of ideas, but also with a lot of reading, listening and watching. It’s been a long time coming.

Did I miss a great book, song or film? Please let me know.

I'm Jabba The Hutt (from Flickr user Jazza2)

Getting back into the running mindset means one thing. The right music.

I headed to one of my favorite places to run, 100 Acres with my headphones, iPhone, some extra pounds and the right playlist to get me through the increase in heart rate, stress on my old bones, strange aches down my side and soon-to-be soaking wet feet (this is a trail).

Wet and Muddy

Running is a mental activity. The following playlist got me through a 3 mile-ish run. I’m confident it would get you through it too.

I started of with Summertime, the DJ Jazzy Jeff & Mick Boogie version from the Summertime 2: The Mixtape. It’s a feel good song that will distract you from the fact you really have no interest in running. Trust me on this one. It sets the tone for you to slowly ease into things and warm up the muscles.

The next song is key because you need motivation. I can’t think of a better song than N.W.A.’s Alwayz into Somethin’. This beat will push you through the main period of pain, where your heart feels like it’s in your throat and your lungs burn. And I know I don’t want to let down MC Ren.

With N.W.A ensuring success so far, you still need a song with a good beat to keep moving. Here I opt for Mos Def’s Wylin’ Out (Kut Masta Kurt Remix – Original) – it’s catchy, upbeat and keeps one foot in front of another.

After about 8-10 minutes of running, you need a song that will let you settle into a comfortable rhythm. This is where I do my best thinking, brainstorming and sometimes find my rare moment of running Siddartha (the experience where you forget you’re actually running). Gang Starr’s Words I Manifest (Remix) is just what the Doctor ordered. It’s poetic.

After some Zen and the art of running, It’s time for a little more energy through the headphones. Hit play on M.I.A’s Paper Planes (Diplo Remix). You can’t go wrong with this one, and you can dream of being a millionaire.

Follow up something familiar with a curve ball like I love Acid by Luke Vibert. It’s a transition from hip hop into some techno, but manageable techno and an added spring in your step. It’s needed.

And finally, end with a classic like Electric Relaxation by A Tribe Called Quest. The techno from the previous song has transitioned you into the final leg. You want to cross the finish line with a smile on your face and some swagger. This song will guarantee that.

So that’s my trail mix. It’s perfect for those of you just starting a resolution or are dusting off the old KangaROOS or suddenly realized you’ve been sitting on a couch for two months. If you’re not into running, this mix will keep you bopping your head while cooking, driving or sitting in a cube.

Click the image below to open this mix in Spotify.

Click here to see photos I’ve taken while running.

I’m out and feeling some aches.

Spotify Trail Mix

Hold fast to your dreams, for without them life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly.

- Langston Hughes.

My last pic of 2011

Here’s to dreams….cheers.

5

Here are most viewed 5, based on Google Analytics.

1. Depression is My Nemesis
2. Fatherhood
3. The Perfect Penalty Kick
4. The Roman Colosseum Hot Tub
5. Indianapolis Memorial for Sal Incandela

All are easy to explain. #1 was the most honest, revealing thing I’ve ever written (over 160 comments). Who doesn’t like to be a voyeur? It also got picked up by lovebomb (still so touched), and the reason I got so many hits/comments. #2, Fatherhood, was my most popular post of 2010 and after my father died, it got a lot of traffic. #3, this one got picked up by some sites in Europe and I’m not sure anyone was expecting it. #4, I love this one – funny, creative and outrageous – this one got lots of love online and was only published in December. #5, this one is pretty obvious.

So what are my favorite 5? Drum roll please.

At #5.

Me at the Louvre (unfortunately no race in Paris)

I wrote a museum tour for IndyCar fans that might be traveling the Series from race to race. I liked this piece because it combined my museum knowledge with motorsports – not the most obvious connections. Content is all about connections. You can read the tour HERE.

#4.

Scratch and sniff me in Cuba

I love sharing my idiotic travel tales. I hope to write more on this site, because I honestly am hopeless but incredibly lucky. Earlier this year, I wrote about a trip to Cuba, titled Old Man and the Pee. It made me chuckle just writing about it. And let’s face it, the title is pretty, pretty good.

In 3rd.

The Original Sketch of The Perfect Penalty Kick

The act of posting The Perfect Penalty Kick was pretty symbolic action for me. It was a sign of awakening, letting go, showing some courage and becoming creative again. This post led to other art installation and more creative posts, including two new categories, Art Concepts and The Italian Collection. I guess it showed me not to hold back anymore.

In P2.

The importance of the Father/Son bond

Adoring George Gershwin and Rhapsody in Blue. My father bought my son Fantasia 2000 right before he passed. My son and I completely bonded over this song and I marveled and marveled at Gershwin’s creativity. It was inspiring and I had to write about it. There was no hook to this piece, just a writing exercise. And I loved writing it.

And in 1st place.

Oliver at the airport

I love travel. I love flying. I love my son Oliver. Even after this trip. This was my account of taking my son on two flights and how it all went terribly wrong. In the end, I only saw the funny side of it, even if I did almost lose my cool. There’s a reason I titled it Fear and Loathing in an Airplane.

It was tough picking just 5. Hip Hop Chop didn’t make it. Neither did Walter the Warthog. There was no room for any of my Japan, photography, motorsports or other posts.

I’m still surprised when I get a comment, a FB like or see that people are reading my work.

If you had a favorite post of my mine, I’d love to hear from you.

Thank you so much.

It’s been a great past few weeks – even if I have lamented the lack of Christmas Robot Films.

In terms of Christmas themed viewing, I’ve watched everything from A Christmas Carol with Jim Carrey, Dreamworks Christmas Specials, the British version of The Office Special, Christmas Vacation, Die Hard, Yo Gabba Gabbba!, Only Fools and Horses, White Christmas, Elf, and a few more.

The brilliant David Brent in The Office

In fact, I feel like I’m at a good point to list my (3) favorite Christmas films. I know you may disagree, so please feel free to share yours.

At #3 -

A Christmas Story. It’s about as Indiana as you get. The town is based on Hammond, Indiana and features numerous mentions of the State, including the Indianapolis 500. It appeals to the kid in all of us and offers so many funny parts – tongue on the flagpole, the Oldsmobile pit stop, triple dog dares, the ‘fragile’ lamp, etc. Ralphie’s house is now even a museum (although it’s in Cleveland, where most of the movie was shot). It’s a classic and I’ve been watching it for 25 years now.

Christmas Story inspired cookies

In 2nd place -

Miracle on 34th Street. Maybe it’s because they cast the most perfect Santa Claus in the history of Santa Clauses. Maybe it’s the black and white film, the fashion, the era. Who knows. Maybe it’s the legal battle that ensues, with Santa sitting in a court room. Or maybe it’s just the general feel-goodness of the film. It’s the type of film that leaves you with a smile on your face. Only watch the original. Trust me.

Santa! Edmund Gwenn in Miracle on 34th Street

And my #1 -

It’s a Wonderful Life. Who doesn’t want to be George Bailey, or James Stewart for the matter. It’s a beautiful story – the perfect black and white film and a storyline that Dickens himself could have written. It illustrates the ups and downs of life, the connections we make over a lifetime and the surprises life often presents. I’m a sucker for this film.

Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?

It's A Wonderful Life

So those are my top-3. What are yours?

Bad Santa, Gremlins, The Nightmare Before Christmas?

Happy Holidays!

I’ve dealt with depression for most of my life. I’ve often considered writing about it, but always refrained for a number of reasons – embarrassment, shame and privacy. I’m over that now. I’ve come to understand depression in a new way. It doesn’t just affect me (and boy does it), but it causes immense pain to millions. I’ve come to recognize depression in others whether they’ve explicitly told me or not. I’m not ashamed of it anymore.

My friend Casey Mullins, wrote about it almost two years ago – Giving Depression a Voice. My friend Despi told me about the post and I immediately read it, a lot. I was so thankful someone I knew was writing about it. I thought it was so courageous. I could never do such a thing. Well a lot’s changed.

Losing my Father has affected everything about my life. And it’s introduced a new type of depression. I didn’t know it could become lonelier, darker, deeper and so eerily quiet. It’s become a nemesis of impressive magnitude.

Nemesis.
nem·e·sis
Noun: The inescapable or implacable agent of someone’s or something’s downfall.

Last week, I learned that Gary Speed had died at age 42. I watched him for years playing in the English Premier League. When media reported he had hung himself, it hit hard. I couldn’t comprehend that amount of suffering. But depression does that, it makes people feel incredible pain. What a horrible disease.

I’m not writing this because I’m considering suicide. I’m writing this so you’ll perhaps understand what it’s like to live with depression. When you live with it, you get really good at hiding it. Up until this, only a handful of people knew I had it – although I’m sure I’ve given plenty of clues.

Sometimes it’s hard to get out of bed

Sometimes it’s hard to pick up the phone

Sometimes it’s hard to leave the house

Sometimes it’s hard to do my job

Sometimes it’s hard to think positively

Sometimes it’s impossible to be a good friend, brother, son, husband or father

And most often, despite being surround by love and family and friends and success and great food and laughter and beauty – you feel completely alone, defeated and in pain. It hurts just to write this. And I know it hurts the one’s around me. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Moosh wrote in her post -

Mental illness is not a choice. Nor is it a cop out, curable or something that one can merely “get over” like a pulled hamstring.

Consider loved one’s in your life that deal with depression, lingering sadness, melancholy, or paralyzing bouts of darkness. No matter what they say, they need you.

Depression doesn’t go away. Therapy and medicine may help but it never evaporates. And let me tell you, no matter how much alcohol or drugs or other vices you feed it, it’s never sated. It comes back for seconds.

I have no interest in hiding my depression anymore. I’m not ashamed by it. I’m not embarrassed. And it’s not my fault.

My sister always texts me – “It’s not your fault.” from Good Will Hunting. It makes us both laugh. But it’s really not my fault.

I’ll be 40 next year and I’m finally realizing that the depression isn’t going anywhere. A part of me had always hoped I’d wake up one day and it would be gone. Diseases typically don’t do that. It’s here to stay.

This quote from Douglas Coupland says it all -

Depression is when you have lots of love, but no one’s taking.

I’m writing this for me. And if you’re depressed, for you too.

And if you’ve supported me, suspecting I was suffering, it’s for you too.

That’s my story. Thank you for reading.

And there I suddenly heard, and even saw on paper – the complete construction of the Rhapsody, from beginning to end.

George Gershwin in reference to Rhapsody in Blue.

George Gershwin

For Oliver’s 2nd birthday, my Father sent him a copy of Fantasia 2000. This was just a few weeks before he died. My Dad loved classical music. So does my sister Chantal, who’s pretty fancy as a freelance double bassist. He brought classical music into our household. Sometimes I surprise my sister by naming a composer as a piece is playing.  It’s a very rare moment of pride (and accuracy).

Sitting with my son and watching Fantasia 2000 for the first time, I was thrilled to discover the Al Hirschfeld inspired illustrated version of Rhapsody in Blue. I’ll be honest, I previously knew it as the United Airlines theme song. But that quickly changed. And I couldn’t believe how quickly my son fell in love with it.

Rhapsody in Blue - the perfect flying song

You see, Rhapsody in Blue is the type of work you have to revisit constantly. It’s like a Dickens novel. Or a Van Gogh painting. You simply can’t fully connect with a Dickens book unless you read it several times. Only then do you understand that his complex sentence structure leads to some remarkable revelation. The same goes with a Van Gogh painting. Each brush stroke reveals something. It can’t be captured at a first glance. It requires adoration and a commitment of sorts. It’s the sum of all of its parts.

The same goes with all real artists. The cinematography in Citizen Kane is unforgettable in it’s first viewing. But it needs more attention. There’s a reason it’s one of the first movies discussed in any college film class – it’s near impossible to capture its incredible use of light, shadows and focus in the first viewing. Think about how many films you’ve seen and how some of them get more beautiful as you watch. I could go on and on about other artists (maybe that will be another post) – but artists are capable of creating unfathomable connections and beauty.

What I’m proclaiming is this: Gershwin produced a work of art with Rhapsody in Blue.

I have no idea how one human being sat down and created something so beautifully complex, emotional, motivically connected and perfect, spanning 13 minutes or so. I’ll never understand his genius, but that’s part of the fascination and allure. I do however, understand what a gift he left.

Gershwin died at age 38.

My dad sent Ollie his birthday present knowing he would love it.  And to bring classical music into our househoId.

I keep discovering gift after gift from my father and it makes me happy, sad and whole slew of other emotions. I can’t listen to this song without thinking of him now. And I never grow tired of listening to it.

Rhapsody, Noun: An effusively enthusiastic or ecstatic expression of feeling.

Tonight, Oliver and I watched it again together – in fact, several times. He fell asleep in my arms.

And I knew I had to write.

The tree went up today. There’s added excitement with OIiver and his two-year old outlook on life. And I’m a big kid anyway, so I’m all for it. Lea and I put it all together and O did his best to disrupt the process. Along the way, I got to hang my favorite ornaments, which is what this post is all about. My favorite 5.

I’m a sucker for Elvis. Especially any gospel music by Mr. Presley. BUT, when it comes to Christmas music, give me some Blue Christmas by Elvis. So good. This ornament is a new edition this year. Courtesy of Garden Ridge. Yep, I went there.

Elvis Presley, Blue Christmas

Did you know I like planes? Well I do. Especially vintage one’s that Pan Am might have used. I look at this ornament and think about taking a trip to Calcutta. Why not? This was a gift a couple of years ago from my friends Barry and Vic – Pottery Barn – classic, classic present.

Let me on this flight!

I only have one robot ornament. But it’s my #1 choice. You can’t go wrong with Star Wars over Christmas (in fact, Oliver and I watch the original trilogy every year during this time). But I know the tree is in good hands with R2 in it. I’m sure it’s why all the bulbs work. He can fix anything. Lea bought me this from Target this year.

R2-D2 Beep Beep Beep

If you didn’t know, I also like to take photographs. This ornament is a reminder of that, and another recent purchase from Target. I also like to pretend it’s a Leica Camera…because maybe a real one will end up under the tree?

Not a real Leica

Hard not to think about Sir Stirling Moss driving the wheels off this thing. Another wonderful gift from Barry and Vic – this has front and center status in our tree. Now if Sir Stirling would only stop by for Christmas Dinner. He could meet Oliver Sterling…and get to taste my trifle.

Come for dinner Sir Stirling Moss!

Those are my favorite ornaments. Here are a few I would like to add for 2012 -

- Fab 5 Freddy
- Ernest Hemingway
- Salvador Dali
- Something Lego related
- A RobotoWear ornament
- Old Gregg from The Mighty Boosh
- A Citroen D

What are some of your favorite ornaments?

The eyeball cutting scene, inspired by Bunuel's dream

After I had researched enough of Dali – I discovered one of his films – Un Chien Andalou – a short he created with Bunuel. The image above is one of its most memorable scenes – Bunuel dreamt about slicing the moon. Dali had dreams of ants crawling on his hands. I dream too.

Roughly 16 minutes. Silent. Driven by dreams and the subconscious. Religious overtones. Popular culture. Influenced by contemporaries. And severely lacking any kind of cohesive plot. In fact, Bunuel made it clear: “no idea or image that might lend itself to a rational explanation of any kind would be accepted.” Now, that’s what I call a film. In fact, here it is.

It’s had a profound influence on my life. My approach to creativity, writing and photography all have some surrealist undertones. I just don’t quite have their bravery.

After watching this film over and over, I moved onto more of Bunuel’s films, eventually arriving at The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie – a frustrating but incredible masterpiece of Oscar winning surrealism – seemingly never ending dinner parties intertwined with dreams. It’s hard not to think that a modern day director like Michel Gondry (who I love, by the way) wasn’t influenced by Bunuel – especially if you’ve seen The Science of Sleep. Please watch both. Seriously.

The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie

I love surrealism and I’m thankful for what it’s given to me over the years. What started as an instant connection to Dali’s paintings, took me into the world of surrealist film and eventually to the Surrealist Manifesto itself.

Now if I could only arrange my never-ending, dinner party with Andre Breton, Luis Bunuel and Salvador Dali.

It would make for an interesting night’s sleep.